From the bowels of air travel hell

So, I've had the 'opportunity' to fly recently, it's always a crapshoot, who you have to sit next to, how the flight goes and so on. I should have known the trip was gonna suck when...

I go to the bathroom before getting on the plane as I hate plane 'bathrooms' (aka broom closets). I sit on the toilet and the damn auto flush goes off 5 freakin times while I was peeing... yeah, just peeing, and no I don't have problems with my bladder. It (the auto flush) just kept going off. And as anyone who's used an auto flush toilet knows, you must keep arms, legs, objects of clothing and small children out of the 'flushing zone'... it's like the splash zone at the dolphin or whale show at Sea World.

So I get on the plane to come home, I'm flying standby and I have to check my bag at the entrance to the plane. No problem, on the brightside it's easier to get a seat. I select a middle seat, between 'quiet guy' and 'her', the plane is near capacity anyway.

I sit next to inconsiderate bitch from the bowels of air travel hell. Lucky me.

Why is that some people in society actually think rules, regulations and common decency are meant for the rest of the world, not them?

she brings so much shit on the plane (3 bags) that she has no room for them. She's already sitting with the plane ready to push back from the terminal and there's no overhead bin space left and is wondering what to do with her shit piled on her lap.

She asks 'hey, you don't mind if I stuff my bag in your leg space?', I say, "yes, I do mind" , she freakin stuffs the bag in there anyway! Then complains about the gentleman in the aisle who can't find a space for his bag and says (I'm quoting here what she said) 'some people are so rude, you know? they bring these bags on and then expect others to find room for them'. I was flabbergasted. I say "yeah, kind of like the person who takes 3 bags on the plane and takes someone else's leg room". She glares at me.

So, we're doing final safety checks, the steward tells her to shut off her I-pod, she looks, pretends and then goes back to listening. Yeah, I know, there's a whole theory that most electronic devices won't interfere, but who wants to test that with THEIR life on a plane? Volunteers? I look at her, she says "do you have a problem?" . I respond with, 'yeah, could you turn off your Ipod?'

She turns up the volume.

So we begin the war of the armrest. You KNOW what I'm talking about. I decide, screw her, I'm getting a damn armrest, I don't have any leg room so she can take her selfish ass and lean into the aisle. We jostle for arm space the entire flight, I am proud to say I had the armrest the ENTIRE flight. besides, the satisfaction was that the guy next me left the other one empty the whole time, not being a hog though I didn't use it at all! I feel satisfied as she looks several times at the other arm rest empty, just glaring at me. I figure if she says anything I'd tell her there plenty of space left next to her bag on the floor and if she wants space maybe she ought to take the rest of what little 'toe space' I had left and crawl on down there.

The armrest thing is ironic, those who know me best know how much I HATE people touching me on planes. Legs creeping under the armrest and touching my legs, arms and shoulders leaning on me, ewhhh, yuck, makes me crings. (I know, I'm in for hell to China with flying coach) I'm not claustrophobic, that's just my freaky plane hangup. So I ride the whole flight with her trying to lean on me to take the arm rest. I don't budge, I'm actually proud of myself.

I occasionally day dream about turbulence... just enough to have my drink land on her, no luck.

We approach for landing and she refuses to put the I-pod away and turn it off. What a bitch, would it have killed her to do that? Did she think she was royalty or someting? Then, as we're landing, her husband, sitting in front of her starts 'digging for China'. I know, that is NOT the most politically correct phrase, but Christ, you should have seen him. YOu know what I mean, first a pinky, then a thumb, then an index finger... then flings what he gets onto the floor. Listen, if you want to dig in the privacy of your own home, great, go nuts, but a plane? Who raised them? Where did they learn their manners?

I tell E about it and he says "why didn't you rat on her". Too funny as E is so NOT confrontational. I thought about rat-ing her out but thought, what if the steward doesn't enforce the rule? I'll look like an ass! But ohhh, how I wished that I did say something and she went into a huff and got fined or something by the airline for being the inconsiderate rude ass bitch she was.

There was more but those are the basics.

I'm glad to be home.