Early on in the process, we went through all the normal questioning about adopting and how the process would be for us (as compared to what we'd been through already).
Questions such as:
Will family support us...., REALLY support us by holding our hands on this journey?
Will our child be a boy (surprises have happened)
How would we handle an older (24 months) referral though we've requested 6-12?
Will she be healthy?
Will she attach to us or will there be a long emotional road ahead of us?
What will we do about friends and family who don't treat her equally?
And I'll be honest, we wondered how we'd react to the first sight of our daughter. We're not beauty queens/kings, nor are we shallow but what I'm about to say takes some GUTS, so if you're offended, please take it up on your blog, not in our comment section. We wondered how we'd react if it wasn't a 'love at first site' kind of picture. You know what I'm saying.
So we've talked about it, we've watched other peoples journeys to see how they've handled it. We learned referral pictures, well, sometimes, are terrible and it's just terrible pictures, not a reflection of the baby. They are tiny, sometimes scanned in, they aren't glamour shots, they were never meant to be. In some cases, the babies look unhealthy, unhappy, with shaved heads or patchy hair, rashes, sick... occasionally you see a few pictures of the most beautiful, happy and by all outside looks, healthy babies. But that's not the norm and we understand that. We've had that conversation (the one you may not have had or may not want to admit you've had) about being referred a baby that people wouldn't 'gush' over.
You get past that moment quick in the grand scheme of things and you talk about the flower that blossoms in the right warmth, sunlight, air, food... etc. besides, how many babies come out looking like a beautiful flower?
However, I was not prepared for my dream 2 weeks ago.We got our referral.
Are you ready?
Our referral was for Yoda.
(something's wrong with blogger, you'll have to click the picture to see it)
No kidding. The dream was terrible, we kept trying to figure out ways to not accept the referral, all the way up to and during our trip in China. In my dream we were in China, but I don't know if we came home with Yoda or not. I woke up.
But I will honestly say the dream shook me up a bit. Not the Yoda part, believe it or not, just the idea that if we were referred Yoda, we might not accept Yoda. Ok, I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but it was a 'deep' dream.
Though maybe, sometimes a Yoda is just a Yoda and nothing more...so how about you, have you thought about your referral like this?
9 comments:
Lisa, As unpolitically correct as this might sound, I have had the same thoughts. I think it is just a normal reaction. When all is said and done, I'm sure we could never imagine having any other baby then the one we receive. They will be the most beautiful babies in the world to us. :)
Lisa,
By the way, the whole Yoda thing cracked me up!!! :)
I see why you might have had doubts.
Okay, last entry (sorry), I meant to say politically incorrect in the 1st post, I really need to go to bed. I have suddenly forgot how to communicate!
Lisa,
It is definately the fear of the unknown. Jen and I have had many conversations similar to the very subject that you talk about on this post. I think that it is very realistic (your feelings and thoughts) and many times it comes out in ones dreams or nightmares. Your baby is going to be meant for you and your hubby. Little Magpie is going to be AMAZING! Hang in there!
I think it's absolutely normal to wonder about these kinds of things. Even if you were having a biological child, you might have some of the same thoughts.
BTW, my husband said it would rock to have Yoda in the family because of his awesome skills:)
I also think this is totally normal! No matter what after this incredibly long wait I think he or she will be gorgeous to us! I always pictured myself with girls, however, I married a Man with two little boys. Boys rock also ,they are cute, funny and sweet. I can't wait to see them with their little sister or brother!
I'm convinced our daughter will be a 'buddha baby' (we used to call my nephew this) - except with some exceptionally wild hair (to take after me). . .and I can't wait!
I really loved reading all these comments. It's funny the things that drive someone to comment on one post and not another. I'm intrigued by it... that and my dreams.
LOL, Lisa,
I laughed when I read the part about "what if it isn't a love at first sight kind of picture" Iv'e readding your blog tonight and I needed this kind of laugh before I signed off. I'm sure you'll love a little Yoda too!
Tina
Post a Comment