1 year anniversary, finale

today is the day that marks our 1 year anniversary... and yet, we're likely at least a year, if not more away from Magpie's referral. This is terribly hard to accept, though we've done well with it, it still sucks like you wouldn't believe. To imagine that with each month that passed since our wait officially started we were in fact no closer to China... and so I reach for my mantra and hold on to it tightly,... it is what it is.

Month 9, 1/8/07 - 2/7/07
We finally finish decorating the house with our personal items like photos and collectibles, it's slowly starting to feel like our home. Our first overnight guests come for the weekend, it was a blast. A&D and their kids turn our house into an overflowing festival of laughter, love and friendship. I bake and decorate this kickass barbie dress cake! We explore the property taking the trail further into the woods than we'd gone on our own, we bake cookies with the kids and drink and talk and laugh. The cookie baking reminds me of baking with my mom when I was a kid and gives me the ability to see the future with Magpie, there will be MUCH cookie cutting and baking in our household :)

We host dinner with E's family and in spite of the stove still not functioning properly I pull off my first full turkey dinner with all the fixings, all by myself. A feat to be proud of for sure!

The wait is now around 15-16 months. Our final (ALT) quilt squares pour in, we are in awe.

My favorite posts from this Month are: One of our Own, Connections and Anyone, Anyone?

Month 10, 2/8/07 - 3/7/07
We attend a Chinese New Years parade in Boston and have a blast. Though we continue to explore and learn as much as possible about the Chinese culture (the good and the not-so-good), it is still so very hard to handle the wait. We fill our days and nights the best we can but there is always something, NO, there is always someone missing. As a result, I find it hard to write, to post, to share, I suffer from a sort of writers block knowing that we have a year or more left to wait. It's heartbreaking. We talk a lot of unpacking her crib and finally setting it up but haven't yet found the courage to do so.

E's parents move south unfortunately, especially given that we'd finally been able to secure a transfer up north near both of our families. We wish them a happy and peaceful retirement, they deserve it.

We spend CNY with friends in Southern CT and really enjoy ourselves.

My favorite posts this month are: Soulprints, Lunar Eclipse... and Lookout Mr. Repairman

Month 11, 3/8/07 - 4/7/07
For whatever reason, I come out of last month and start 'anew', accepting the length of the wait, finding strength and patience in abundance and the sun starts to shine again. We long for Magpie and talk of her often. After a visit to my mom's, my childhood rocking chair finds a place in our home now, just waiting for Magpie's arrival. For many years I've longed for the day when this rocking chair would hold our child.

We celebrate E's 35th birthday with his favorite people, friends, family, just having a wonderful time. I finish the scrapbook containing Magpie's online wishes and marvel at the beauty inside. We make plans with friends to see The Police in concert together and guess what, we'll camp too that weekend! Our annual trandition is alive and kicking, it's just got a new location!

My mom comes to visit and we have a great time on a field trip to IKEA, her first time, it was cool! She takes home the cross stitch kit that I bought for Magpie, she is going to make it for her. Thank you so much Mom.

The Wait is now 17 months.

The wife of a colleague is diagnosed with Grade IV glioblastoma... a not so gentle reminder that in life, there is always worse to be experienced than what stresses you out on a daily basis.

My Favorite posts this month are: Winter of Your Life, Thankful Thoughts and Put the Baton Down

Month 12, 4/8/07 - 5/7/07
We start the fun process of renewing all of our paperwork, a brand new homestudy, getting ready for the udpate to our federal clearance, etc. We continue to try and clear the stonewall framing our front property line. It's a work in progress though it's really starting to shape up, I wonder who first placed the stones there and in many other places on our land, I think back to 'those times', whatever they might be. To me, it feels like a slice of history in our own front, side and back yard.

We go see Spam-a-lot and really enjoy the show. Though I have to admit, the preshow dinner was really the best. Seeing Mike and Debbie again, sharing life, laughing, eating far too much but it was all wonderful. Zane, the dog sucking on her woobie in this post, helps us donate >$600 to the Vets for a private overnight, all the IV antibiotics she can absorb, she is home safe and sound and back to torturing the other dog Ginger.

The wait is now 18 months.

My favorite posts this month are: Woobie Anyone? and 11 Months Down, a Bazillion to Go

what's remarkable about reaching 12 months is that we've more than survived a wait that should have been over now. We've only reached the halfway mark likely, but we're finding ways, every month, not to let it get the best of us. You have to, the alternative is bitterness, anger, resentment, sadness, grief. It's all too easy to self absorb in these feelings and quite frankly, there's not much good to come from it. The "woes me" stuff only gets you so far and it's truly exhausting to see people stuck there forever.

Man, we've had more than enough of those emotions on our journey to having children, we just don't want let it consume us anymore. Or should I say, we don't want it to consume us with the down side of when things just aren't fair, we recognize life isn't fair, but we also recognize the things we have control over, like deciding to grill burgers, crack open a bottle of wine and kick back on the deck, or to plant an evergreen in Sophia's honor, or to express joy over someone else's referral, or to just watch the sun rise and the sun set and to realize what a beautiful sight that is. Perhaps Magpie is watching that very same sun too.

When we came up with the blog subtitle, Couple who adopts from China must learn patience, who knew how true it was...

May the next 12 months bring just as many joys, happy times, wonderful weekends, gatherings of family and friends alike. May we continue to be truly lucky to be embraced by a circle of family and friends alike who "get us", who enjoy us and who keep us warm on this very very long journey.

May the next 12 months pass quickly and may Magpie be in our arms this time next year. We long more than many know to hold her close for the very first time.