But it's not faaiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I’ve read some things lately that make my stomach revolt, mainly just the reactions of waiting adoptive parents regarding changes in the program, both in the USA and China. There’s a world of difference between venting and ugliness and most of what’s to follow is from the uglier side of things. Lots of what I’ve read recently smacks of good old ‘entitlement’, the ‘you owe me’ stuff of life that is oh so ugly.

I’ll share some gems with you (yes, the items in quotes are real comments from adoptive parents pulled from various online websites):

…“do you know if at the time of referral the parents can refuse the referral and ask for a child from a province where it only costs $3,000 instead of $5,000”. (no honey, you weren’t our first choice, you were most cost effective)

… “I don’t see why I have to pay more, it’s like extortion, afterall, we have a CONTRACT” (wow, baby buying anyone? Extortion is what happens when there aren’t rules, China has a rule, they are raising rates to an amount that was already allowed when we signed on. After 15 years, shouldn’t they have the right to raise the rates?)

With regard to changing fees and the impact on those at the ‘front of the line’ … “we don’t have time to save money for this, it would be different if we had longer to wait” (eh hem, cough cough, tap on the shoulder from behind. I would be happy to switch places with you my dear. The remaining 12-16 months we have left to wait might provide you with the time you need.)

… “frankly this whole process feels a bit like bait and switch to me” (wow, bait and switch, you mean like a used car or the plasma TV at the store?)

Anyone get the feeling that through all the anger, some people are losing perspective?

For instance, the only reason we have the opportunity to adopt is because some family in China feels they have no option but to give up their own flesh and blood, for purely economic reasons, perhaps reasons related to the limited amount of children they are allowed to have, or a combination of both, related to fines for breaking the rules. Or what about the couples forced into late term (think full term) abortion… or perhaps the family who is sterilized. Or what about the couple who’s parents see the birth of a female child as a curse and take her themselves to the orphanage steps.

Their loss, their tragedy, their sacrifice, we all benefit from it in the form of a family of our own. Let’s not lose sight of the reality there are mounds and mounds of tragedy and unfairness which start our opportunity for a family.

Man, it makes me sick all the incessant whining, crying, pissing, moaning going on in the Chinese Adoption community lately. It’s not so much the initial uncomfortable/angry reaction to change that I have an issue with. I think that’s normal. More so, it’s the vengeful words, the behavior, the childishness, the selfishness, the bitterness, the ‘but but you owe me’.

Am I happy about the increase in fees? Uhm, NO?

But adoption, like childbirth is somewhat of a gamble, full of risk, to some degree we each need to have an inherent willingness to go along. Nothing in life is guaranteed, seriously, nothing. We all knew going in that things change, including fees, we may however have fixated our perception on what we think is right, or fair, or ‘current’, but that doesn’t mean we’ve fixed our perception on reality.

It’s been said that sometimes the only thing you have the power to change in life is your perspective.

My perspective is that life can be brutally unfair or it can be full of joy and happiness, but that most of all it changes. I feel deeply for the parents who brought Magpie into our life. I’m glad we’re fortunate and lucky enough to adopt her, I’m thrilled with the idea that one day Magpie will be more than just a twinkle in our eyes. The rest of the journey that is difficult, perhaps makes me ticked off?… that’s just water under the bridge and you can’t do a damn thing about most of it but change your perspective or move on to something else.

So let’s complete all the pissing and moaning about the raising of fees and get on with the monotony and joy of waiting.

Chocolate covered, rum ladybug anyone?