One of my favorite things I hear from parents of children (any age), is:
"wait till you have kids, you'll never get to sleep in, live it up now".
Why do (some) people with kids insist on advising those without kids of all the drawbacks of (their) children? Can someone kick me should I do this? What is it about this joy of bragging about the not so fun stuff? As if we hadn't pondered it in the last 7 years we've been married or before we got married. I often cringe when I hear those kinds of things, I cringe because inside me there's a part that has yet to see daylight, it's gotten close to the edge of the cave when we were expecting Sophia, but sadly never got to reach daylight. That part of me, and E, longs for children, longs for a family to call our own, to build over the years, to share, to laugh, to cry, but mainly, just to live an overflowing life.
I much prefer hearing from moms and dads about the beauty, the wonder, the miracle of life all wrapped up in a child.
I love hearing from people in love with their children, who take the crappy moments and days alongside the beautiful ones. You know the kind. They take joy in first steps, watching a child leap with surprise when they find some creature under a rock, tucking them into bed, having them jump on theirs before daylight, or perhaps, just smiling when they pick up a book and pretend read to themselves. And they don't just take joy from those days, but they hold it in reserve for the not so hot days.
As for sleeping in?
Those days disappeared nearly 10 years ago when I joined the management ranks. I found that my level of responsibility at work was inversely proportional to my ability to sleep. So this morning, when I woke up to BRIGHTNESS outside, I went downstairs to see that it was already 8 AM. Waking up after 6AM any day of the week, including weekends, is a luxury.
So that advice about 'wait till you have kids...', hmmm, obviously from those who slept in before they had kids.
I'll save for another time "go out and eat dinner now while you don't have kids, you'll never get out again"... hmmm... you mean kids can't go into restaurants? Wow, I never noticed that rule there were always so many families with children of all ages in restaurants!
I admit that we expect (horrors, you mean we've thought of these things?) life to change when Magpie comes home. But life won't end, it's just that our current childless life will end, to that I say, bring it on, we can't wait!
11 comments:
Hi Lisa,
I think parents do this for 2 reasons.
1) It's the number 1 thing we miss that's okay to talk about in polite conversation (sex is the other! :)
2) People don't want to rub it in that they have kids and you don't yet, so they want to downplay the amazing stuff.
We've been home with Kelsey for almost 2 years (of not sleeping, struggling to eat in restaurants and lack of other adult interests) and I wouldn't trade one of her amazing smiles for all the money, sleep and amazing sex in the world!
Yesterday was our very first time in the snow and I found myself needing to take a pause to wipe tears off my face because its something I've been waiting a life time to share with my child. This has been happening alot as she's getting older and can experience more! For me, the very best thing about being a Mom is to watch her experience what life has to offer and her reactions to her experiences.
I think AP are sometimes reluctant because we think this makes the pain of the waiting parent worse. As one who waited...I remember how that felt.
Not sure if you've ever read my blog, but please swing by and check out my amazing girl.
I am with joann and you! We got the same crap as well...OH your life is going to change! No kidding? Really? Hum, why do you think we are waiting over here, so our lives WILL CHANGE.
Kids are hard. Very very hard. No one will ever dispute that fact. Do I want to sleep til 9am some days, YES, but seeing those kids smile at you in the am is worth it.
And seeing your kid, even when you go to eat at 4:30 for dinner, experience something new is worth the shoveling of food into your mouth!
You will wonder in it, parenthood, and I look forward to when you do!
I sure hope I haven't done that to you guys! If I did, So Sorry! I am happy to report that we do sleep and Lilly is excellent at restaurants. It all started in China and we have kept it up from there.(the eating out) Not as often, but enough that she remembers. I remember the wait very well! It was pure torture! The hardest part of having the boys part time is they are not mine, even though I often feel like they are. I agree I think people like to downplay the good so they don't make you feel worse.The wait is so worth it in the end I would do it all over again if Joe would let me!
Do we have the same friends and co-workers??? Ugh. I swear, I lost count of the number of times we got those "warnings" of no sleep and restaurant eating. Well, you know what? We still go to restaurants, had very high expectations, and Lily usually does quite well, thank you very much. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Your kid throws a fit and you box your food up as take out? Maybe our friends whose gave up restaurant eating don't expect their children to to behave? These people must be related to the teachers in the lower grades with warnings to those of us who teach 7th and 8th grade.... "just you wait until you get so and so in your class." Drives me insane. Boy, did you yank my chain or what today? Sorry!
I'll leave you with this: There I was doing dishes, minding my own business and turned around to see Lily sitting on the rug in front of the fridge with a book, flipping the pages like a big girl, pointing to pictures and "reading." Didn't even know she was there. But oh, what a beautiful sight! This same thing will happen in your kitchen someday and I know for a fact that you will totally appreciate that moment.
We would trade all the late morning lie ins for early morning baby smiles and snuggles. I get that and friends who recall sleeping in.
This wait affects us. Makes us not take things for granted.
Keep smilin!
People still say that stuff and my current response EVERY time is
"Bring it". Simple.
I second that. I am more than ready to trade sleep, fancy meals, nights out on the town or most anything else...just let me be a mama!
I so hear what you're saying. . . It's as if "wait till you have kids" is some kind of threat. I will say it was a bit more, should I say, painful(?), when it was said during all those years of infertility treatments and then even after the death of our baby... as the statement (or 'threat'?) assumed we could 'just have a baby' anytime.
Now, mostly what l I hear is "wait till you have a kid..." and that makes me happy - no matter what other crazy statement is attached after those words.
I really cannot wait...until we have another child - one that lives and stays for awhile at least.
We have a kid now and we still hear "wait until....". With my big close family we've heard practically every story by now. So if we didn't want to experience it all for ourselves we'd have never signed up for this.
I think part of this comes from those that don't know how to manage their lives and are jealous that kids don't currently rule yours. Anyone who has fought to have a family don't take it for granted.
Oh I hate that too... I will go out and do all that we do when we get Shauna... for all those who say 'You can't do this, you can't do that...' you know... they can go on with their boring lives and no memories... we will take Shauna camping, on vacations etc etc the only thing different is that it will be done in somewhat of a different way but they can rest assured that my girl is going to have wonderful memories too... take care
I am cringing with you. I got this one not too long ago, "Y'all are adopting? Do you want mine, he is a terror?". I was so annoyed I couldn't even find the words to respond. I should have said: "My adoption atty will call you in about 5 minutes". -Lili
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