caring versus sharing

I've had the opportunity recently to get to take part in some group meetings with other like minded people where I've heard quite a few very interesting and in many cases thought provoking quotes or comments. It's been educational and beneficial.

There is this one individual who really does an awesome and funny job boiling all of lifes biggest issues down to a quote.

Recently one smacked me so hard in the face I could hear and feel it resonate inside my head, heart and soul, like the bells in a church tower at noon.

What did she say?

Sharing ain't necessarily caring.

Okay, so at first glance, not very poetic, may take a bit to explain but I KNOW there are readers out there who GET this without explanation. And I mean really get this, as in they are either the proverbially giver or receiver, deep down.

Me?

One of my major crimes in life is to be the giver of too much sharing. I've known for years that people talk about wanting to hear the truth, think they want to hear the truth but get really pissed to hear it. Or, worse, ask your opinion/feelings/feedback only because they want to tell you their opinion.

My experience?

The truth is great... when someone else is receiving it.

I've known that people admire and really dislike the sharing gene in me. They flip flop depending on the circumstances and it has caused many a rift over time. Like when someone asks me what I think... I tell them.

I mean why the hell ask if you don't want to know?

The first cold hard lesson in work, picture the scenario. I was working for a company, really loved what I was doing and casually mentioned that I'd like to LEARN MORE about New product introduction and product development. I mean I was like a year into the company. Well, wham bam thank you ma'am, I was in a meeting a few weeks later where they ANNOUNCED casually I had a new job. NO, they did not ask or talk about it in advance, I was as surprised as everyone else. I was ticked, it bothered me and I have a hard time pretending. So picture this, I'm invited to a dinner with upper management, from plant manager to vice president. I am asked to sit next to the VP who I've never met:

VP/Me: Idle chit chat for a few minutes
(salads arrive, we pick through them)
VP: So what do you think of your new job
Me: (mistake #1, lead with honesty) well, I was surprised by it and to be honest (what an idiot huh?) I really liked my old job and wish someone had talked to me about it.

Okay, I know, I am naive and gullible, a bad combination. I thought, he's asking, he MUST want my opinion. HA!

VP: well Lisa, I've learned in my career that the door to employment swings both ways and you are welcome to leave at any time.
Me: (eat more salad, mumble mm huh.)

It was a long ass dinner after that, especially when the ass proceeded to talk down to the only other woman in the room (coincidentally also at our table) as she refused wine cause she was 8 f-ing months pregnant.

My point... most people do not want, nor do they care for your opinion or honesty when they ask you something. They either want you to echo back what they said, or they want you to say something unimportant or unrelated so they can tell you all about their educated OR WORSE uneducated ideas/thoughts/opinions.

Sharing ain't necessarily caring.

I have learned though to keep my mouth shut the vast majority of times until asked for advice or thoughts. This is progress. But see that's what pisses me off, solicited advice or thoughts that people get mad at. When someone asks, I'm learning the last year or so to start with 'do you really want to hear'? 'Are you sure you want the truth'? 'Are you sure you want my opinion?' But I always feel like I'm walking on land mines when this happens. As if... they know... but won't accept... that they feel like...

Sharing ain't necessarily caring.

Even when asked for.

I know, I know, shooting the messenger is a great past time, heck, that's how the fable 'the emperors clothes' came about. But seriously, how often are you willing to ask for guidance, TRUE guidance and how often does that happen when you're open to hearing it?

I know I've been most closed minded when someone who doesn't know the depths of the situation comments blindly and is so off base they couldn't be further from the north pole if they were in another galaxy, BUT, when a good friend talks with patience, love, kindness and concern, I can normally hear it. In fact, in times of trouble, I prefer to be surrounded by friends who have my back rather than sitting idly on the sidelines... but I know, that's just me and I know... it's not the preferred method.

Cause...

Sharing ain't necessarily caring.