Leap of Faith

A short time ago, maybe just a month, my dog Ginger somehow injured her back. She quickly healed physically, it wasn't anything serious but it caused a huge shift in her personality, permenantly. That's what this post is all about, that and the other real message.

Occasionally I let Ginger up on the bed or the couch, as long as a blanket is down that is. And when I say occasionally, sometimes it's months between offerings. She sheds like a maniac, anyone who owns a dalmatian knows that no dog sheds like dalmatian, hence the blanket. Normally she'll jump on the couch or bed with a simple hand motion giving permission. And whether there was light or it was pitch dark, she'd take that leap successfuly or do a repeat with ease.

But about a month ago, that all changed.

One night I gave her the hand motion that she could come up on the bed. She trotted over, tail wagging and ears perked up and took a leap. She never made it. She looked at me bewildered and I motioned for her to try again. This time, more tentatively, she failed again. So I got off the bed and gave her a leg up so to speak, she seemed uncomfortable physically, sort of 'off'.

I didn't think too much of it, but that look of bewilderment was an important clue.

Fast forward a day or two, I invite her on the sofa. Again, a rare treat, but given things going on currently it makes sense. The couch, maybe a foot lower than the bed challenges her in the same way. Even more tentatively she makes a half hearted leap. And of course fails. Half hearted won't get you a seat on the sofa. So again I pick her up, noticing that strange look. Not one of pain but one of confusion.

I figure she's just sore still.

Fast forward a day or two, and forgetting what had recently happened, I motion for her to jump into the back of the SUV with disasterous results. Front feet on the bumper, totally missing the back feet on the bumper, back feet swinging instead under the bumper and she falls on her side/back on the ground. I was stunned, that's never happened, but I could see it in slow motion. The half hearted jump you knew was going to end badly, the rush to catch her but missing her and the horror of seeing her land on the ground, looking up and wondering what was going on.

She gets up, tail not wagging like a car ride normally entices and that look of confusion. Again.

She showed no physical signs of being sore right after or days after or since. But there were other things. She clearly stopped believing in her ability to successfully land a leap. She doubted her ability on a hike to jump over a log on the ground, it was maybe 18" tall. I picked her up and placed her on the other side. Anything that required all 4 feet to leave the ground simultaneously had now become a clear matter of a refusal to even try.

She had lost her ability to take leaps of faith.

A play on words? You bet. But ironically it's as shallow as it is deep. She physically won't bother to try to leap, and she's lost her faith in her abilities that I know are still there.

People are just like this. Sometimes someone loses faith entirely, they can't bridge the gap in two ravines with a leap of faith. They either quit trying alltogether or they accept the kindness of those around them who provide them a 'leg up' to get over even the smallest of obstacles.

Some of us, like Ginger, walk about with that look of bewilderment about us. Maybe it's not all over our face, but it sure is all over our mind and in some cases our hearts. Some of us never overcome our loss of faith in ourselves, our proven ability to do things we'd never struggled with before. Some of us give up trying to take that leap because we've lost faith in our own ability. And sadly, like Ginger, some of us, no matter what, will not regain belief in themselves.

I believe that bewildered look said it all. (me reading the dogs mind, go with it) Ginger didn't know what happened, was surprised she failed when many times before she succeeded. And that bewildered look an acknowledgement of the passing of the belief in the leap of faith.

My thoughts?

Leaps of faith take more mental ability than physical.

When someone offers you a leg up, take it.

When you need a leg up, ask for it, it's a good way to find out who you can have faith in, even when you aren't able to have faith in yourself.

Lastly, no longer believing in the positive outcome of a leap of faith is one of the sadness steps a person can take, a step some never overcome, forever guarding any further pain.

I'm sure if I look around I'll see the signs of this same loss in others to varying degrees. Very sad indeed.