2009 was certainly a year of change, I'll admit it, way too much change. Some of it I chose, some of it was fate, but all of it was too much. There were moments though, that I would not change, there was a purpose in either the joy or the pain and to go back and change it might change where I am today.
Quite frankly, I want to be where I am today.
The paths that lay out in front of me lead so many different directions, like one of those childhood mystery books where you pick which page to turn to next. This song comes eerily close to what 2009 was all about over the last few months. [I have changed some lyrics in the first paragraph since the original song talks about Janey and quite frankly there is no Janey in my life :), after all, I am a single adopting from China. ]
Running Against the Wind, Bob Seger
It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Dreaming was lovely, it was the peace of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low
And the secrets that I held
The mountains that I feared
Caught like a wildfire out of control
'Til there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove
And I remember what I saw inside
How it seemed like it never would end
I remember how fear held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then
(for me, the changes I made in this first paragraph tell it all. I was stuck, by a wildfire, or so it seemed at times. But the last line? I wish in some ways I did not know now what I did not know then. The initial sting that comes from realizing when the truth is different than your perspective can be unpalpable)
Against the wind
I was runnin' against the wind
I was young and strong, I was runnin'
Against the wind
(and man, I did feel like I was running against the wind these last few months of 2009...)
The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again
(I found myself further and further from my home, from my center and I know I lost my way. Sometimes the shelter I found was a true gem, sometimes I found the shelter was missing, but you never know till you need, really really need, the shelter, exactly what you will find. It's why you seach for shelter again and again.)
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind
Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out
(yes, many many things to think about, but more than that, many fruitful and foward looking things to think about. 2009 was a year I couldn't see coming, couldn't fathom. Looking back there was a lot of running against the wind.)
1 comment:
it is a good song.
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