I continue to struggle with the reversal of my acceptance in the China program. It's hard to believe, 4 years after first being approved, more than 1.5 years after being approved the second time, updating all the documents the CCAA requested I update, that, well, the 1st and 2nd acceptance is being reversed.
Not only do I struggle with this reality, I struggle with how it comes to define who I am and what my wishes are (are, not were). One can say 'hey this does not define you' but it does, there's no way around it. Also defined are the strengths (and unfortunately the very clear weaknesses) of each of my friendships. In some cases, it just cemented what I already knew... there are friends and then there are true friends, the ones who stand behind and beside you, who cry and laugh with you, who would, and do, go to all lengths to help your dreams come true.
Then there are sadly the ones you think would help, they show horror and sorrow at the situation, but do nothing. Some are shocking, some predictable.
And so I shed the ones who really aren't true friends, just another loss over the last few weeks. I fill the emptiness with the abundance of real support from so many others. I am grateful and always will be.
There's not much in my world not impacted by a phone call just over a week ago that left me speechless.
So today's Magpie Monday post is a bit different. I'll leave it with just this link:
better days behind
7 comments:
People who've never been through a traumatic event often say that you shouldn't let it define you. However the event becomes a part of you. For years after a traumatic event, I defined my life as what it was before and after that event.
As we heal, that event becomes a part of our story not how we define ourselves. But still we are stronger, and more fragile, in that place.
hold on to your dreams, lisa. thinking of you often. xoxo
Hugs, my friend. I wish there were more I could do. I still hope beyond all hope that good news will come soon. That this was all some horrible mistake or miscommunication. Or maybe they'll just decide to do the right thing after all.
Sigh. I wish things were different. I find myself still hoping for you also. I think of you often and send good thoughts your way, whatever that's worth.
Since I heard of this, I think about you daily, truthfully, several times a day. I wish that things could be different, that it was all a horrible nightmare.
Sending you lots of hugs, and peace.
Hang in there...
I am still so sorry...
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