Lost Daughters of China -March Book of the Month

I've separated out this post as it's longer than the other one on recent books I've read, and to be honest, it deserves an entry all it's own. I was touched by this story and loved reading it.

Lost Daughters of China

A wonderful story about a couple and their journey through the 22 months it took to apply for adoption in China and to bring their daughter, Kelly home. The author does a wonderful job intertwining relevant Chinese history into telling the story of how Kelly came to their family. It's through this book that I finally felt as if our journey was real and would all work out in the end. I really enjoyed this book and recommend it to anyone adopting from China or to anyone who has a family member or friend adopting from China. It has a wonderful balance of the adoption process and all it's headaches and heartaches right along side how the social, economic and political history of China resulted in all these precious Lost Daughters, 50,000 strong in the US and just a small small fraction of the total in China still.

It was through the Lost Daughters that I realized the irony of the name of our Blog, Confucius Says. We thought it was cute and catchy, but after reading the book, I felt more like the typical Ugly American, too absorbed by all that is the US to recognize cultural issues outside the US. Confucian philosophy, you see, is where the role of the woman in China officially moved to 'second class citizen'. I was stunned, I had a hard time keeping the blog name, but I've chosen to keep it. Confucius laid down the laws of a patriarchal society as is evidenced in the transcript from the book below:

The troubles for females in China, went back at least as far as Confucius. During the Han dynasty, 200 BC, China's greatest sage laid down a family system built on male lineage. in the Confucian scheme of things, control of the land and all the family fortune was passed from father to son. A daughter's place began at the bottom of the family hierarchy and stayed there, her lifelong status dictated by gender... The philosopher Mencius, known as China's second sage, followed Confucius and reinforced the system... Mencius said the greatest unacceptable behavior was to provide no male heirs.

This philosophy remains ingrained in China's countryside today, in spite of change in government and increasing modernization. Though to the outside observer this seems discriminatory, in China, this was practical under the Confucian philosophy. Sons were born into a position not just of respect but of family duty, expected to support his parents, their land, their well being for as long as they lived. For people in China, having a son was an ancient version of our modern social security in a way. Daughters however, left the famiy when they married in order to support and care for the family she married into. Thus began a history several hundred years in the making, which under "population control" resulted in the millions of Lost Daughters in China.

A touching book, as personal as an author could make this very private journey. Well worth the read and I urge you to pick up a copy and enjoy it too.