Day on the Bay

I've been going through some mixed/conflicting feelings lately... about the blog, about moving on from losing Sophia and so on.

It's tied to letting many people in on our adoption plans and blog. It's a time of great joy for us and conflicting sadness. We're thrilled to finally share news with everyone, but still mourn our daughter. Time will lessen that pain though nothing in our lives will completely take it away. I feel guilty about my happiness for our daughter in China, as though we've turned our back on Sophia.

Those who've gone through late pregnancy stillbirth and are now adopting from China tell me similar stories about feeling the same sense of loss and happiness all at once. It's hard but it's life I guess. I've also been thinking about the blog and it's contents.

Some people write for fun, they are humorous all the time, some write it as an update for friends/family, ours is a diary about our paperwork and the long wait ahead. Diaries are filled with private thoughts, we all have them, but we don't all post them online! It means sometimes more or less is said than should be. Someone might get offended at times, but we'll find a balance that works for us and our daughter, which is a tough balancing act for sure! A few bloggers I read from time to time have called it quits, for a few weeks or longer due to this conflict. In the end, it's a diary for her, to let her know we spent years conceiving her in our minds and our hearts, and a long long journey to bring her home to our family.

So with much relief we headed off for a day on the CHesapeake Bay. This was great because I could ignore my Sunday morning ritual, reading the paper and the ads... as everyone and their brother knows, next weekend is Mother's Day and one day I wish were different, it can't be ignored, ads, commericials, radio spots are all over the place, this year is going to seriously make a dent in my heart that had finally started to heal a tiny bit. But we know that honoring our parenthood next weekend brings value to the life we held dear in our hearts for so long.

So we headed to the Bay, and we both needed it.

We got on the motorcycle, picked up some Boston Market Chicken, sodas, dessert, packed it all in the bike bags and went to Fort McHenry for a lazy day picnic by the water. We only go a couple times a year, but it's just as precious each time we go. Here's a bit about Ft. McHenry (from http://www.bcpl.net/~etowner/history.html):

Fort McHenry has played an active role in our nation's history from the founding of the nation through World War II:

Fort McHenry's history began in 1776 during the Revolutionary War. Originally an earthern star shaped fort, it was called Fort Whetstone because of its location on Whetstone Point.

The site was an excellent location for two reasons. It was located far enough from Baltimore to provide protection without endangering the city, and it was surrounded on three sides by water. Constructing the fort on this site meant that enemy ships sailing into Baltimore would have to pass the fort first. The Revolutionary War ended without an attack on Baltimore.

James McHenry, the Secretary of War under President George Washington, was instrumental in providing support for its improvement. The fort was renamed "Fort McHenry" in his honor.

The fort became famous in the War of 1812 when the British attacked on September, 1814. For 25 hours the British bombarded Fort McHenry from ships outside of Baltimore harbor in the Patapsco River. The fort's defenders held firm, and Baltimore was saved.

During the American Civil War union troops were stationed at Fort McHenry to help keep Baltimore out of the hands of those who would have Maryland join the southern rebellion. The fort's guns were turned toward the city. The fort was used as a temporary prison where political prisoners suspected of being confederate sympathizers were held, often without trial. Following the Battle of Gettysburg in early July, 1863 nearly 7,000 confederate soldiers were detained in the fort.

Fort McHenry continued its active military service to the country until July 20, 1912 when the last active garrison left the fort.

From 1915 to 1917 the City of Baltimore used the site as a city park and beach.

In 1917 the United States Army used the fort site to establish U. S. General Hospital No. 2 for returning wounded veterans of World War I. It was the largest military hospital in the United States with over 100 temporary buildings. Some of the earliest developments in the fields of reconstructive and neuro-surgery were made in that hospital. When the war ended, the need for the hospital slowly diminished and in 1925 the hospital was torn down.

In 1925 Fort McHenry was made a national park, and it was transferred to the care of the National Park Service in 1933. Fort McHenry was redesignated a National Monument and Historic Shrine in 1939. It is the nation's only Historic Shrine.

During World War II the Fort served as a Coast Guard Training Center for fire control and port defense.

Some of you historians out there even know that Ft. McHenry is the birthplace of our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner.

It was the valiant defense of Fort McHenry by American forces during the British attack on September 13, 1814 that inspired 35-year old, poet-lawyer Francis Scott Key to write the poem which was to become our national anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner." The poem was written to match the meter of the English song, "To Anacreon in Heaven." In 1931 the Congress of The United States of America enacted legislation that made "The Star-Spangled Banner" the official national anthem.

Francis Scott Key (1779 - 1843)

"Then, in that hour of deliverance, my heart spoke. Does not such a country, and such defenders of their country, deserve a song?..."



Our day on the Bay was wonderful, the sun, the peace, even the kids and their parents flying kites and laughing was great. We talked about next year being able to bring our daughter there with us and we knew at that moment some day we're going to be ok again.