A look back on how I felt a year ago... those were dark and difficult days, they get better, things change, they have to, but we're forever altered by the memories.
This poem, the best my novice poetry could do.
The flowers, courtesy of our friends Karen, Richard and Riley.
If Grief Were a Storm
If our grief were a storm, no sunami, hurricane or tornado would compare
That storm of grief washed over us tearing away our hearts, our hopes our dreams…
Finally removing everything we were, leaving cavernous space in its wake
This ocean of emptiness, surrounded us in dark silence
Displacing the space in our hearts left after her death
Time slowed, filling with deep sorrow, wide as the ocean and yet empty of all life
As if this sunami of grief washed away all we knew
Waves of emotion… hourly… daily… impossible to control or understand
Waves of emotion fade into the ocean of life, first weekly and then monthly
As the sunami disappears, like nothing ever happened, 'normalcy' returned
One all too quiet night, life slipped out of our hands, into that dark ocean of grief
We felt the never ending pull of her life’s tide, our future
The silence remaining, more powerful and ironic than the eye of the storm
We are surrounded by raging storm clouds and silence all at once
But the raging storm surge retreats in time, leaving us in a wake of grief
Sophia M. B.
Born November 19, 2005, just one day too late.
It's times like these that I long for a gravesite or an urn we could have planted on our property. We have no where to go as a ritual, no place to sit and listen to the sounds of nature and be with her. My single greatest regret, one I second guess all the time.
3 comments:
Lisa, thank you again for sharing your thoughts with us in such a beautiful way. I can only hope that you will find some healing as you continue to share and express yourself with others. I'm thinking of you.
I am so sorry for your loss. You have such a gift of expressing yourself in such hearfelt writing. Only time may ease the pain a little but life altering it is. I know this pain and I am praying for you and your family.
Her gravesite is in your heart dear Lisa. . . .She's in your heart, she will remain there always, even in the heartbreaking loss, she remains. She will go (in your hearts) where ever you move to. There will be no stone to become attached to (to become her replacement?)...she moves with you. Your decision in this should not be second guessed - as in this, she / you have allowed yourself the gift of freedom to 'take her with you' in your hearts and not fear leaving her gravesite behind.
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