I've seen over the last year a few thoughtful and insightful posts written about the use of the word "adopt" or "adopted" or "adoption", by parents of adoptive children. Each one taking a different stance from the insistance on using the word to the desire to hide the word from common every day talk.
In my mind, the word adoption shouldn't have a negative connotation, nor should it be used at every single instance your children are described. I sometimes cringe at the thought of people saying "here's my adopted grandchild" or "this is our adopted neice" or ... you get the picture.
Why do I cringe? Well, let's start with the simple, uhmm, hello, Magpie is Asian. There I said it. And so? Well, she won't ever be mistaken for a child by birth so it boggles my mind why anyone would need to routinely use the word to describe her. We don't say here's our dark haired nephew, or over here is our friends bucktooth daughter, or yeah, over there, did you realize that's my high blood pressure cousin?
Ok, so maybe I'm exagerating, but really, why the need to categorize? It's like calling Hillary a female presidential candidate, as if the dress, hair and make up didn't give away the "female" aspect, jeez, she's just a presidential candidate. So yeah, the word "adopted" sometimes bothers me, BUT ONLY, when it's used to categorize people, to separate, to label, many times, let's face it, we don't label to flatter. We label to put people into their place, their category. This is not just my perception, this is reality folks, labels, not always 'great'.
However, there's a flip side. What's wrong with the word adopted?
NOT. ONE. THING.
It's just the unkind use of the word that bugs the crap out of me. So will Magpie be adopted? YES. Will she be our adopted daughter, damn straight she will. But does she need to be categorized? NO. She has a lifetime ahead of her to be categorized into all the normal ones a woman might be categorized, married/single, college/HS degree, mother/childless, ... do we need to start her right off with another one? She is our daughter, plain, simple, direct.
Then again, the word adoption won't be used in our home with disgust or disdain or disappointment. It won't be hidden or avoided. But it also won't be used to segregate or separate. It will be used to tell the story of how we became a family.
Her adoption will be an incredible celebration. Magpie marks the very beginning of the next phase of our life and we will be eternally grateful that she's in our life and that we have the honor and priveledge of raising her. She will know that adoption was a choice not a last resort for us. she will know that her adoption is something we'll cherish forever. She'll know that the word adoption means so much more than any dictionary could ever define.
Adoption for us, it's the essence of everything positive about bringing children into your life... and then some.
6 comments:
I see you've been inside my head again.
I'm completely picking up what you're putting down on this one :0)
Wonderful post. I tell Sugarlips all the time "I'm so glad I adopted you!"
I completely and whole-heartedly agree with everything you have written. I feel so good to have grown up with a father who never said, 'This is Wendy my adopted daughter.' People could already tell by just looking at me.
Was thinking something similar the other day. But, you put it into words in a way that makes it more clear.
Nice post. This coming from a near-sighted, slightly insecure, animal-loving, silly, blogging fool, human, woman, who was once a child who could go on and on, but is risking giving too much information and terrible boredom for readers. Oh! Maybe that's the point?
Ok, I am super way behind on EVERYTHING...but very well said, this is exactly how I see it. It also reminds me of something related that I just read about adoption...there is a difference between privacy and secrecy.
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