Fish, Family and a Funky Castle

Though I'm still struggling deeply with the adoption, where things stand and the news that yet another agency has been referred "out of order", as in April 2006 vs November 2006 "out of order", I am doing my best to keep my mind on the big picture.

Let's face it, our wait sucks, our story of trying to become a family sucks and well, it can be hard to deal with and move on from. I know I do well most times but every so often the world just comes crumbling down and the reality of the deep chasm of sadness can really overpower us, me especially. C'est la vie, eh?

There's more to it, but that's all for now.

This weekend though, my older brother M and my mom came into town, he drove in from the midwest and my mom from elsewhere in the northeast. It was awesome to see them both and spend more than a fleeting Holiday where everyone's so focused on the perfect meal, a good gift and cramming 'catching up' into one afternoon or evening with tons of people all at the same time.

M is doing well and we found out that he made (what I think is anyway) a huge change in his life, one that takes strength, will and commitment and I'm really happy for him and wish him the best with it. We've all come a long way from being kids, some dreams fulfilled, others at bay but perhaps in arms reach one of these days. But I still enjoy spending time with my brothers as adults, rather than the kids we were many years ago, who they are today is so much more, so much better, than who we all were. I guess, like cheese and fine wine, we all have so much more to offer as we continue on our life journey.

I hope that Magpie gets the chance at a sibling, but what is unfolding in front of us with the long ass wait from China may likely prevent that one day, it's not clear, but it is a huge possibility that the dream of her brother or sister may be lost and that is quite the struggle to absorb and come to terms with. We are just another family caught off guard by what's happened with China.


So my wish? My wish for Magpie? That perhaps there is yet a way to bring her brother or sister home, perhaps something, someday, will go our way. Perhaps. I can only wish for Magpie's sake that she has siblings to grow old with one day too, to watch them change, to inspire her, to make her crazy, to help her reach even higher and to perhaps even be an inspiration to them too.

The pictures are from this past weekend with M and my mom. The Mystic Aquarium where we saw them feed the anemones, that was cool and Gillette Castle, nestled on the banks of a river in CT, perched high above the water. It's a quirky, fascinating, 'interesting' place with a certain appeal of wonder about it. The grounds are beautiful, places to eat and hike and just below there's the ferry across the river. It's a great place to spend a crisp, clear fall day in New England... one day Magpie we'll run through the woods with you there, we'll stroll around the castle and think what was that guy (William Gillette, who played Sherlock Holmes) thinking! And we'll smile and we'll laugh and we'll love every minute of life with you, we have not a chance in hell of ever forgetting just how much we wanted you in our life, not one chance of it and perhaps that's for the best.

It both feels like just yesterday we started trying to become a family and also feels every bit of time since we started 6 years ago...