Secret Pal Surprise #1

As I carefully packed the final gift I was to send for the person who receives our Secret Pal gift from the online group I belong to I reflected back on the last 19-20 months (that long eh?) of sending gifts to her and receiving gifts from our Secret Pal.

When I joined the swap, I sort of figured it would give enjoyment and celebration over a long wait (what a fool, I thought a long wait meant 12-14 months). Even that early on in our wait, just months after we announced our pending adoption, many people looked at our adoption very different than how they looked at and celebrated our pregnancy. It's just reality and nothing I can change. Period. But E and I needed to feel like we deserved to celebrate the pending joy coming into our lives regardless. The secret pal swap was one way to do this.

We enjoyed every month of receiving and of giving. Of finding wonderful thoughtful gifts to send, things that would bring joy to the person receiving them. But even more so, we enjoyed and were rewarded by, the gift of friendship. And that my friends is the main reason why I joined. To make a connection, to grow our circle, to feel part of an inner circle rather than on the outside looking in.

Two wonderful friendships have blossomed, the first is Surprise #1 and I'll write about her here.

I know many of the pairings in most Secret Pal swaps don't result in such close friendships, I've heard the horror stories of people skipping gifts, sending regifts, etc and just never making connections, I know E and I are lucky.

I think what made the difference is that those giving and those receiving, really, truly, honestly cared for the person on the other end of that box of presents. We were all vested in the process, we took time to care, far beyond the effort it took to shop and send presents. When someone was sick or down, the other person stepped in, when birthdays or events occurred, they were honored.

But it wasn't always that way.

When I received my 'match', the person I was sending to, back in May of 06' (Lisa E., you are the BEST), my first thought (and I've shared this with her since!) was holy crap I have nothing in common with her. Different religions (catholic, jewish, not that E and I practice though!), different approaches to online posting (reserved/seldom, open and direct), married/single... I figured my desire to make a connection was futile.

That first reaction was my biggest regret. I let what defined us on paper separate us, instead of finding a way to make connections.

I did what it pisses me off that others have done to me the last few years. And believe me, I so regret that first reaction to her. BUT, that reaction, and the disappointment in myself over it, are the likely reasons a connection was made. I was hell bent to find commonalities, to overcome what I viewed our 'book covers' to be. I am lucky that I bothered to find out who she was rather than to label and move on.

She has become a great friend of mine, someone I can honestly bounce things off of, someone who I can share this story to months ago without fear of reproach, someone who makes me laugh with her antics and someone, sadly, that I have yet to meet. I think of others who know nothing about her other than who 'she is' online and her take on some things, and I think, boy they couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, I know one particular person in this case who's been very wrong and I'm disappointed for her.

And so, I pass the lesson I've learned on this Secret Pal journey on to Magpie.

Life is full of differences and it's full of similarities between people too. I think most people work way too hard trying to find the differences they can hide behind, when all along the similarities are smacking you in the face, free for the taking. I honestly believe you have to work much, much harder to find the differences than the similarities. It makes me think of those in our lives who we perceive, or they perceive, incorrectly, that we are far too different.

Perhaps we could all just work a little less hard at finding things 'wrong' or 'different' about the other people in our lives, then, perhaps we'd all be a bit more fulfilled and our relationships richer.

(Part 2 to come with photos of our last secret pal gift... man was it awesome)