Connections in Life

I know it's been a while since I've written. I'm still alive, just on a break you could say. But this weekend there was no doubt I needed to write some thoughts down.

We hosted many of the people I frequently talk about on this blog, this past weekend (no links will be provided, those who know them don't need them!):

Lilly and her family home from China last July
Ben and his family home from Vietnam last spring
Lisa, my former Secret Pal, embarking on China in TWO WEEKS!!!!
Ashlyn and her family, containing a great friend of mine from childhood
meeting us in Mystic, Liana, Timmy and Autumn, frequent guests here

Over the course of the weekend I was reminded about the crazy twists and turns of fate:

From the theme song of Meet the Robinson's and my song for 2008:

our lives are made, in these small hours
these little wonders, these twists & turns of fate

From the MANY conversations both at the aquarium and here at my house that revealed LINKS, real live links, that each of them had experienced over the last few years, only to unveil them in person and realize they had all crossed paths directly or indirectly through connections and experiences. I won't go into the details but it was freaaaaky. It truly amazes me to see this happen.
To the point where this weekend I had to step back and really think about my life, the friendships I've created, the memories I've had the pleasure to take part in creating, experiencing or reliving. How is it that this circle of friends all connected through adoption have been connected through the years already? Separated by 1 or 0 degrees of freedom.

There are times I've wondered over the last year if the adoption would ever take place. These dark moments in time have consumed me at their ugliest. I'd become defined by my Log In Date in China, by my place in line.

I couldn't see the past, I couldn't live the present and I was afraid of what the future may not be holding in store for me, instead of the potential it may have, planned or unplanned.

But as I made the beds when everyone had left I was reminsicing about all this, the weekend, the being defined by "The Wait", the wait that should have never been. And if it never had been, then what? I shudder to think "then what"?

Honestly, I would have less in my life had this all not happened. I would not have met 3 of the families we gathered with this weekend. I would have been unlikely to Really get to know the other 2 families as well as I have. I would not have experienced the love of each of them in my life. I would not have been able to see the joy on their faces as we all laughed like we deserved to laugh. Heck, I doubt without the adoption I would have even moved back to New England, going for the adoption lifted me out of a darkness that to this day haunts me due to Sophia's death and birth.

So this weekend, while making the beds I realized that perhaps this adoption journey was not about the LID, the adoption, afterall. Perhaps, it was about the people I met on my Journey?

Stranger things have happened in life.

I know I am lucky in life, I know that for all I've gone through, there is so much more to be grateful for. Things like the death of Sophia, crappy relationships (understatement and never to be mentioned here again) with my entire inlaw family beyond reason or comprehension, to the point of fearing for myself and wondering who it is that they see that no one in my life sees, the loss of our first baby boy before all that... just to name a few.

I realize that beyond it all, I am over the moon fortunate for the ties in my life, the people who love me, the relationships I'm a part of, the deep deep connections I've sparked or taken part in, the laughter and love that I have in my life. I am lucky, I realize that perhaps the point of the adoption was not the creation of a family after all, but the creation of all of these truly awesome connections that have brought me to where I am in life. So this Sunday afternoon I pay homage to all the great people in my life. The ones who inspire me, who love me, who truly know me and get me, the recent people who've come into my life in the last few years or even more recent than that, who my eyes finally opened up to this year.

I've recently spent the last few weeks at work uncovering a bit more about who I am, what I really offer, you know, what uniqueness that I can or do bring to my environment. And that even more so, it's the differences in people that make us truly special and valued. I'm grateful for some of these eye opening experiences, they've really helped me walk away realizing that even though there are those in your life who contaminate... the real beauty, value, wonder and time ought to be spent on those who contribute. (I know those who read me often recognize this line from a post some time ago) I am fortunate for the last few months at work as it's really given me balance when I could have easily fallen off the cliff of life.

I am truly a very lucky person for all of these connections, all of these inspirational people and for the way that they love me for all I am, and even more so I would imagine for all the things that I am not.

I give thanks to each and every one of you.