Pull up a comfy chair

A dear friend of mine sent me a very inspiring and clarity provoking story/document many weeks ago. As I read it, it reminded of a poem I learned as a child and that I've used here, it has the line you learn to plant your own gardens and grow your own soul... there's much more to it.

But on a recent flight back into town from a training course many miles away I began to think about that basic poem and the much more detailed version my friend sent to me. I thought of lines and weaved them into the thoughts that entered my mind that night...

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after " must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow."

I think too often in life we focus so much on planning, on fitting a norm, an ideal. We align our goals with fairytales and are surprised and let down when they don't come true. We align our life against what others expect of us, what obligations we have instead of our dreams. We are burdened at times by a sea of weight, on our shoulders. Not all the times, but it happens, admit it.

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

As I sat there on the plane in virtually a room full of strangers, beyond my two colleagues, I reflected on this thought. I used to be so fixated on following rules, norms, on living up to proper ideals. My world was always black or white, but never gray. Over time I realized I've grown more comfortable in my own skin, more comfortable with the skin that others live in, and much less concerned with how others view my choices. I'm not totally over that judgement and its impact, but I'm continuing to grow and expect this will always be the case.

Which brings me to another portion of the letter.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10" Or a perfect human being for that matter. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

"You accept that you will never be a perfect human being". And well, such is life right? Sort of like the phrase, be the change you want to see in the world, wouldn't it be best to start with ourselves and be the change you want to see in yourself? We all have people in our life that we look up to, that we admire for so many incredible qualities. But what are the things we admire n ourselves and give credit where it's due.

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself... And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

On this trip I had some really intense workshops to help me grow professionally, but I also made time to play, to laugh, to fuel my spirit which has been running on empty for far too long. This was noone's fault but my own and I recognize that I'm responsible for fixing it.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you.

Imagine the power that comes with learning to let things roll right off your shoulders and not turning around afterwards to collect them into a bag to pull out later on? I'm far from that ideal, I've got a long way to go, but someone very wise once said to me in the business world that if you set your horizons on 'average', you and your team MAY reach average. But if you set your horizons as greatness and expect it from others, the worst you'll get is above average and the best... unlimited.

You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Boy I really thought about that last section. The idea that you've GOT to be good to yourself, that this ok and more so, that this sets the stage for how truly great you can be to others.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate. And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Yes. Yes. And Yes.

Sometimes, business trips, can be good for the soul, not just the office. This one, though I was crazy busy, working hard, playing hard and yes I caught a cold too, this trip gave me time to pause and reflect, something I don't do enough. It made me come home and realize the wonders of my life along with the black and white that really restricts enjoying the incredible richness of life. It was one of the very best business trips I've ever gone on.