Going home again?

Occasionally Eric and I catch up, though to be honest it's not all that often. It's normally tied to 'hey I found some stuff of yours and want to give it to you' preceded or followed by 'how are you doing'.

A few weeks ago I realized I lost my tax records for 2004-2007 and I needed some of those years. I must have gone through every ounce of paper in this house several times and finally gave up. I called Eric and we caught up, as it turned out, when he looked he found that he had the originals and the copies we made too. Oh well.

But we traded 'catching each other up' stories and then parted for what will likely be many weeks and months to come. I was relaying this to my neighbor, mentioning that I found out he was quite sick recently and is on short term disability, unsure when/if he'll be able to go back to work. I was sad for him, I know what it's like to suffer, and worse, to suffer relatively alone. I mentioned to my neighbor it was nice to catch up and how we talked about him stopping by for a visit possibly when friends of ours might be in town visiting too.

And lastly, I mentioned that I just don't understand why some people get so much hatred towards their ex. In the end, something brought you together, something must have been special, must have been loving, must have been right, at some point. I've just never had much anger or hatred for him, what would be the point? But I guess that is unusual in this society as I can easily think of many many married couples I know who aren't as nice to each other as Eric and I have been, before, during and after the divorce.

My neighbor asked if there was any chance of a reconciliation.

To me it was such an odd question, but it also made me realize how rare friendship (or lack of anger and hatred) is after parting ways. And my answer to her, was a clear but sad 'no'. It's not a matter of too much water under the bridge, it's just that sometimes even if you want to go home again, not everyone in the home feels you are welcome, you know?

Which brings me to the question about life in general, can you ever really go home again? Or once you part ways, you sever ties, you walk off into the sunset separate from something or someone else, are you bound to stay that way? I really don't know the answer to that. But my experience with dating, before I got married, is that once you've moved on, you've moved on.

And I think for most of us, this is true. Very rarely can you ever go home again and that's a very sad thing indeed. But at the same time, I guess that's what allows you to pick up the pieces of your life and move on, to not linger in the past and look at 'what could have been' 'if only'.

May we all make the most of home, wherever it is, whenever it comes along and for however long we get to stay there.

(when I wrote this post I could not get out of my mind the scent of wood burning in a fireplace in a cabin, deep in the woods... as you walk further and further away the smell becomes fainter though you can recall it in an instant in your mind)