When the Clam Shells move - recap

When I last left off many many months ago I think I had covered the following:

2001 Plan A - Start a biological family, plan on 2 kids in 3 years... we all know what happened with those plans, heartbreaking and gutwrenching and unfathomable going into it.
2006 Plan A - revisited and chose the path of adoption, chose China, plan on 2 kids in 3 years. We all know how the timeline in China has gone. More like 1 child in 5 years.
2008 Plan B - Recognition that although one child may come from China, proceed with an interim in Taiwan.
2008 Plan C - Separation and divorce, a very sad time for both of us, but the most selfLESS thing I've ever done. Give up my desire to be a mom as a result.
2009 Plan D - find out a few months later when I go to withdraw my dossier that I can be grandfathered in due to these life changes. I find out there is quite a bit of grandfathering in for many reason. who knew. The Taiwan dossier was pulled though. Proceed with China and recognize how fortunate my life has been at times.

2009 Plan E - This was not my plan, but it was rather my fate. Lose my job.

Yes, I did say that. With everything else I've lost in recent years from Sophia to my partnership with Eric to so much more along the way, can you believe it? I am one of the 5-6 MILLION people hit by the recession, there are in essence about 1 MILLION jobs available at any given time this past year. The impact of those ratios is clear. It is such a sad time for so many families and individuals. I've learned of quite a few cases of suicide and murder related to the economic times. Sure, one could easily ignore the plight of people all around them, but I'm just not that kind of person. My heart goes out to everyone devastated by the crash of our economy.

The adoption goes on hold, maybe forever this time. I mourn terribly over this.

It took many many months to contact my agency, I was heartbroken and devastated. Not only did I get laid off from a job I LOVED passionately and excelled at, but I also lost the adoption as a result. The job was what grounded me after my divorce, it's what I poured myself into and what gave back to me in so many ways. To say it felt like a crushing blow is a huge understatement. With every single week that passed I felt a ticking time bomb in my life that added to my pressure. Not only did I need a job to pay the mortgage and all my other bills since I'm the sole provider, I needed to get a job to race the referral clock from China.

Fate can be a total bastard.

Many months after being laid off I figured, what have I got to lose? I contact my agency and ask them to allow me to risk my money and to start the renewal process for the adoption. I would go ahead and get all the paperwork done and ready to be submitted to immigration in the hopes I could get a job in time. There was much consulting with various state and federal agencies and also a review of my dossier and how the original rules applied to it. The irony here? With bonus for my performance in 2008 in the bank and the way I saved, invested and my salary alone I would make more this year than any other year and certainly WAY above any income requirements. I hate irony.

Irony is also a bastard.

Everyone agrees it's possible to all work out, everyone also agrees that it is in fact totally my risk and we all circle the wagons in hope. The real risk is that I don't get a job and the money I spent on the paperwork could have extended the time before I might lose my house (I had time, but how much was the real question) I may be one of the very few hoping for a continued delay in the program. I am in a race against the clock and I feel it every day.

Hope is NOT a bastard.

So plan E? Someone else's plan for me, lose my job in the recession and mourn like I did in 2006 when Sophia died. This time though, there was nothing to pour myself into to make up for the hole.

Next post, Plan F, it's a interesting one and it's all about blind faith and taking risk in life even if you know the loss could be huge.