Yes Virginia there is a Santa Clause

(almost everyone who reads this blog knows the story, but I want to capture the moments anyway, and quite frankly, even if Plan E and F hadn't happened, well, I had a lot to be thankful for this Christmas anyway. There are people out there, you and I likely know many of them, who have a far more difficult life.)

Plan F.

hmmm, where to begin? Life is made up of two things I believe, fate and chance. When I think of chance, I think risk is part of that, as in: 'without risk there is no reward'. But then I found this quote:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin
 
Caution, Deep Writing Ahead.
 
And this quote, which I've never seen before, from a person who's name I didn't recognize, resonated with me like a church bell in Europe. With each hit on the bell, the sound reaches me like a wave of force, a lingering moment where just for a second I pause and view the world differently.
 
This quote just rang true. And so I found myself one day, not all that long ago, in this very shape of a bud, wound so tight, so controlled, so compact. And yet being a bud, all under control, not risking losing a petal or two,  meant I did not have even a chance of any of my lovely petals basking in the sunlight. This is true of moments in all of our lives where we make the decision to risk opening for all the world to see or decide to remain tightly closed like a bud in spring, unsure if it will ever be warm enough (aka 'right' enough) to open.
 
When I came to realize that I needed to take a chance, to open the bud up, to see the flower inside, well I took the next step. But this was not a decision I came to lightly, this was not a decision without risk or even criticism, but this was one of the most important decisions of my life.
 
So, as I mentioned in the previous post, I decided to move forward and go ahead and try to complete the adoption. Circumstances be damned, I want this adoption without a doubt. And the reward for the risk? I don't yet know where my story ends, I don't know where life is taking me OR where I am taking life, but I know it takes courage to move forward. 
 
And then all of a sudden, plan F all comes together.

Plan F is go for the brass ring in spite of not having a horse to ride on, or in this case, a job as a foundation. Sometimes, with risk, with blind faith, comes reward. 2 weeks, yes, just TWO weeks after starting the renewal of all of my adoption paperwork I got a job and not just any job just for the sake of pushing paperwork through, but a job related to my career path and one to feel good about.
 
Hope is not a bastard. I was right. Hope is a vital element of risk, of chance, and thus reward. Hope gets us across the abyss we aren't sure we can navigate.
 
So one remaining quote:
 
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt

Teddy was right and my writing over the last few months has been a continuation of My Wishes for Magpie.


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And so, this Christmas, the first one I've really enjoyed in 4 years, well, I received the two things no one could do for me, land a job and the chance to be fortunate enough to bring a child home. Merry Christmas everyone, may we all have so much to be thankful for, even during the times that are most challenging.