I think about this topic a lot. Not my dad, but more so the void that will be in Magpie's life.
An online site I frequent had a thoughtful and important dialogue on how to handle and address the lack of a Dad in your child's life. It's got to be a confusing time growing up and I do wonder how best to navigate it, the questions, the impact.
I think the best way, that I'm comfortable with, is to be honest, to open that conversation early, just like the one about being adopted. To make it part of life, to make it part of conversations and to make damn sure she realizes she is not defined by a lack of a Dad, she is not defined by her mom being a single parent, she is only defined by what she chooses to make of her world. I hope that somehow I find a way to encircle her with a ton of diversity, so that she never feels she is alone and so that she never feels she has to fit into one group.
It really is okay to find your own way through life, it took me a long time to realize it, but now that I know it I'm enjoying life so much more.
I hope the impact on her is at least slightly more positive than it is a burden. I will do all I can to help her realize there are all sorts of families and none of them are right, and none of them are wrong, they are all unique.
The void in Magpie's life to be will also continue to be a void in mine. Will it change? I can only hope one day it does as there undoubtedly is a real void in my life. Until then, I'll do the best I can to give her great male role models and great relationships, to learn from others around me and to learn as we go along what works best for her.
2 comments:
This is a good plan and a good way to think of this. There is nothing wrong with not having a Dad but hopefully one day you will find the one that is perfect for you and for her.
As my mother reminds me, my child (no daddy either) will not be the only child in his class living with only one parent. 50% of marriages end in divorce and since so many people shack up, have babies and split there are even less daddies to go around.
It's not right and at least some of them I would assume have contact with their father, but what I have learned is that I a numero uno with my son. He says daddy occasionally, but he seems lost on the concept (daycare and father's day are never a good combination).
After me his favorite people are men--my dad and by BFF (a dude).
There was a time when I hoped my son would have a father and sometimes i still pray for it (most nights I am too tired to even pray) but I've also learned that we are managing just fine without. I don't have the money of a 2-parent household and I certainly don't have any help, but he could care less.
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