LIght at the end of the tunnel

November 16th 2010

It's a been a long 6 months The Day in May when things once again took a dramatic turn in the opposite direction of where I thought life was headed.

6 months? Seriously?

Time flies when you're filling out forms and getting things sealed with a kiss I mean gold stamp.

Mid May, everything comes to a grinding halt, from my dreams, to simply that weeks plans, to the kitchen renovation (far into the demolish stage at that point), everything. 2 weeks later my agency, which I'll write about later, finds out they can submit an appeal. And so begins 4 months of requests, submittals, reviews, followed by requests, reviews, submittals...followed by... get the hint? We had it down to a science by the time the last package went in.

At that time, in mid September, we didn't know it would be the last package, but everyone had 'cautious optimism'. Afterall, how many cases do you know of where the CCAA agreed to even hear an appeal, let alone take it so far down the road. So weeks pass and when referrals come out in late October I actually thought mine might be arriving. When it didn't, I gave the agency a call.

My agency had been in the midst of trying for an update as luck would have it, but it was like pulling teeth. A few weeks later, 6 months since The Call, I received word.

My file was in the matching room. The day I heard this was November 16th, a Tuesday of what is traditionally a very hard time of year for me. The highs and lows this year were almost too much. The 16th is the last day Sophia kicked in my womb and it now marks the first day of new hope for Magpie.

Ironically though, I thought when I heard news my reaction might be sheer exhaustion and crying (sadness for bad news, happiness for good news) and that it would never be good news. Afterall, I'd learned over and over again that sheilding my heart is inevitible. I didn't cry when I heard the matching room news, I didn't lose it, it was this strange, calm peacefulness.

I told mi amor right away, to say he was overly happy for me is an understatement, it was such a great experience to see my joy mirrored by his joy. Then I waited 2 hours to tell the ladies I work with and a few of the men who I knew would want to know right away. Getting the ladies all in one room at a time was like a 3 ring circus.

There were tears (from others), hugs, cheers, more hugs, and I heard "oh a baby, this means we can have a shower"!  There was at one point, from someone who didn't know about Sophia, the comment "yeah and you didn't have to ruin your body doing it"... I know it was meant with love, but man it did sting. I quickly smiled and said, well, that's not really true, but hey, at least I can get drunk at my shower. Lots of laughter.

And so that is the day once again I was reminded that life can change in an instant. From good to bad, bad to good, bad to horrendous and lastly, great to greater :) See, life was already going really well, I'd settled into my role at work a bit more, had been dating mi amor for several months and then the good news.

I have many more to tell but for now I need to lay low till the real news arrives.

I wanted to remember this day so I could look back and share it with Magpie. There is no timetable for when a referral might come, where I am in line, etc etc. But this is one step forward and I'll take it.