The trouble with the long wait was how much life changed, internally and externally. Though yes, some of it was for the best, it also left a lot of time, idle time.
During the truly tough moments I wonder if this was all a sign from God. Okay, I mean sign, after sign, after sign, after sign. That I was not meant to be a mom.
Yes, there are times where I've asked myself that.
A friend says my thread is tangled, a little worse for the wear, but it's still there. Sometimes in the toughest moments when I'm overwhelmed I wonder if it's still intact. I wonder if I'm really gonna be a good mom. I don't need to be great, I just want to be good. And the wait makes me wonder sometimes how well I'll really do.
I'm sure lots of people have doubts as they enter any life changing event. It's normal. But damn these are tough days.
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