Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day

I had been lurking on other's AP (Adoptive Parents) websites seeing what those without children were blogging about for Mother's Day. I was a bit unsure how to handle it, do we pretend we never delivered a child? Do we recognize me as a Mother? It's hard to know how to handle things, I know many around us don't know what to do and tend to be silent about all the normal things parents are recognized for. That's just it, that's the hardest part of all after delivering a child silently into the world, the ongoing and long lasting silence around you. The silence over the last 6 months has been very trying and difficult and we still don't know how to deal with it, we may never be able to, you just can't force support to happen, it's either there or it's not, and when it isn't you sort of have to move on.

But I remembered, that this blog is about E and I, our experiences, our life, our future and our past. No matter what anyone thinks or believes, we need to do what's right for us and what we need for ourselves. And so I've decided on a short post this Mother's Day.

As I lay in bed this morning deciding whether or not to even get up I thought a lot about a post to write. It goes something like this:

Mother's Day is a day to honor those who've experienced being a mother. This includes those who've lost their child(ren) too. My sister-in-law K helped me when she sent an email to me for Mother's Day. It validated my feelings and helped me feel a little bit better about it all. We all need a little validation from time to time.

This post is for our little girl who's left impressions in our heart as real as her footprints in the framed plaque above, yes, those are her footprints. That plaque is one of the many momentos that we can 'touch'. We were fortunate to have delivered at a hospital where those delivering a child 'silently' into the world are treated at least as well as those with a living child.

Sophia will always be both the Older Sister to all future children we have and also the Youngest child in our family.

3 comments:

Angela said...

Hi Lisa,

Oh, I'm in tears reading your post! Yes you do deserve to celebrate Mother's Day! You are a mother, even though your baby is not still here with you, you became a mother the moment she was conceived, you were a mother for the 9 months you carried her in your belly, and it was made real the first time you felt her small kicks. Yes you ARE a mother, and for that I say "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, My heart breaks as I read your post. I also have been fighting the tears back this mother's day. I lost my first and only child on November 3 of last year. He was born at 37 weeks, a stillborn. I know how you feel and I also feel the silence you have talked about. Noone wished me a happy mother's day, even though last year when I was pregnant I recieved many cards. I feel like noone knows what to do. My husband and I are also adopting, but from Korea. We are very excited, although sad for our son we will never have the chance to raise. Stay strong. Sofia's footprints are beautiful. I wear Rylan's footprints on a necklace. Happy Mother's Day.

dreamer said...

Jen, tried to send you a private email, but you set this up anonymous. So here goes, hope you read this.

better late than never, my heartfelt and most sincere Happy Mother's Day. As my several of my sister-in-laws and friends say, you are a mother, you will always be a mother, no one can take that away from you.

hang in there.

lisa