I was doing errands today and running the last week through my head on the way home. Biggest thing on my mind? The little girl that has been there for over 4 years.
I've finally accepted that having Sophia in my mind, every day, does not diminish the value of Magpie, they are different, equally important but different types of emotions. Sophia is forever in my past, while Magpie is my future.
But today, I thought long and hard about The Conversation. You know, when I share with the first person at the office about Sophia. It's a gut wrenching story and right or wrong I tend not to share it because of how hard it is for the average person to hear it, and then to feel it. The one always follows the other.
And I ran a conversation in my head from start to end, with the person I'm betting will hear about it first, just a gut feeling. And that conversation? Well, like always, it brings a huge lump in my throat and if I, just for a moment, allow myself to feel the memories it becomes overwhelming for me too and the tears start to roll.
Like right now.
I left a piece of my life with Sophia in that delivery room and it's the reason I'll always think of her, every day, and I'll always feel that lump in my throat too. I'll never be the same person again and to be honest, though I know I left part of me with her, I'm really not sure I'll ever figure out what part of me is gone.
God I miss her. I really miss her, every single day.
The memories, when I let them come, feel just like yesterday, a part of my yesterdays that have no tomorrow.
2 comments:
I don't think you will ever forget a single moment of that time in your life and it makes sense that you left part of you with her but I will hope that one day it won't bring you as much sadness.
Big hugs to you! I'm sure it is hard.
Hugs today.
Is it possible to just make a short simple statement of fact to the person with a "But I don't really want to talk about all the details right now" added on the end?
For example, I had a near death experience that is still, at times, very traumatic to discuss. When I go into great detail there's also a very dramatic reaction from the listener. So when it's necessary for someone to have this info there's the 15 second version and the 15 minute version. My mood at that moment determines which version they get.
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