A friend of mine had a quote on her FB page and it really touched someplace deep inside me.
For work I do a lot of change management, people, equipment, procedures and cultures. Change is always tough, even when you want it to happen. "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
-Gilda Radner
Yes, this is life and though I've recognized this throughout my life, it's never been more true than now, at least for me.
I do not know what's going to happen next.
I am trying so hard to make the best of it and to live in the moment. And exactly how does one make the best of this type of a situation? Seriously.
She's been a true constant, an unwavering commitment, a sign of my faith in dreams coming true in spite of everything else that's happened. At least that's what I thought.
Letting go of Magpie is going to hurt for a long long time to come. And it would take a miracle to reverse the path I've been placed on.
9 comments:
You are one of the wisest women I "know". I still have no wise words to help but just wanted to tell you I'm still thinkin' of ya.
aahhhhh!! I am so sorry. This completely sucks. Of course it hurts! Wish I could go kick someone for you! So sorry... You are such a beautiful person...there still remains seeds of hope that eventually (not that there is any sense in you having to 'wait' any longer!!!) something so beautiful will occur in your life. As crazy as it sounds to say at this point(!!) but over the past several months I think some amazing little transformations have been happening for you. Still so sad for you right now...
Surely... there has to be something you can do... somewhere, somehow... clutching at straws... but you can't give up just yet... sending you a ton of hugs...
Now I am sending you this but you don't have publish this... you have NO idea as to how much my heart aches for you right now... actually, makes me want to cry... considering they said that you could keep on going but now... why not say no all that time ago... oh I really wish I could take the pain away for you... easy for me to say but don't let go of the little Magpie just yet... surely there is something you can do... don't give up... not yet anyway... hugs to you...
I know there is nothing I can say to make this better. You've been on my mind constantly since I heard the news.
You WILL get through this. Take it one day at a time. You WILL have the support of people who know how amazing you are.
Keep thinking about you........xoxoxo
I have no words to comfort you other than to let you know there are people out here listening, and our hearts are breaking for you. It seems as if a huge injustice has occurred, and not just for you-but for that little Magpie far away, who deserved a loving mom like you, who was waiting for so long and who was planning on seeing her and holding her soon.
Hold your head up. You will pull through and be a stronger person in the end.
I am just so sorry that this has happened to you. I am still holding out hope that the decision can be appealed.
I don't know you. I happened upon your blog via TongguMama's Sunday Linkage. I don't know what reason, if any, you were given for this response. I so could've been in your position (I'm single and adopted my daughter last year from the waiting child program after a 2+ year wait). It hurts to imagine how you might feel about this. For you, I know this is real. Please know that even total strangers are thinking about you and hoping and praying for your strength, and for a positive outcome for you and the child you will parent someday. Best wishes.
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